What does love mean to 4-8 year olds?

***I don't know from where this came...but I appreciated it enough to share:

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, “What does love mean?”

The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

“When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.” Rebecca- age 8

“When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.” Billy – age 4

“Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.” Karl – age 5

“Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.” Chrissy – age 6

“Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.” Terri – age 4

“Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.” Danny – age 7

“Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss” Emily – age 8

“Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.” Bobby – age 7 (Wow!)

“If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,” Nikka – age 6 (we need a few million more Nikka’s on this planet)

“Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.” Noelle – age 7

“Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.” Tommy – age 6

“During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.” Cindy – age 8

“My mommy loves me more than anybody You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.” Clare – age 6

“Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.” Elaine-age 5

“Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.” Chris – age 7

“Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.” Mary Ann – age 4

“I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.” Lauren – age 6

“When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.” (what an image)

Karen – age 7

“Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn’t think it’s gross.” Mark – age 6

“You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.” Jessica – age 8

And the final one — Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbour was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman’s yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, “Nothing, I just helped him cry”

***(This is not the original work of Zee)

I love you!?

I have always been one of those people that easily loves others.  In the past, I’ve found I’ve hesitated to share that sentiment (not that I never said so, but I’ve definitely taken my time to let it out). As I grow older, however, I find that, for the most part, I’ve lost that need to pause.  I am confident that when the feeling has arisen, it is heaven sent.  So, I’ve lost the sense of awkwardness that previously followed telling someone “I love you” for the first time (male or female).  I don’t think, though, that others are on the same page! And, honestly, I wonder why?

We all travail this life seeking something or another from it.  The one universal trek we all undertake is that which leads to love. From the moment we enter this world, love is the single determining ingredient which secures us.  Science and experience tells us that babies who do not receive physical touch and sentiments of love - despite  being fed, bathed and changed - will die.  Even as children, we are driven by the single goal of obtaining and experiencing love.  We seek attention that will lead to the affection that we translate as love.  It is our security, our sustenance.

What perplexes me is that as we grow older, instead of allowing ourselves to receive this sustaining element, we find ways to remove ourselves from it.  We seek relationships (friendly or romantic) and allow people into and out of our lives, but rarely as adults do we share a sentiment of love.  It’s almost as if we are ashamed to share this gift of God.  Sometimes, I venture to say, we even become perplexed as to why we feel it.  And, heaven forbid, someone shares it with us!

Imagine two guys catching up over lunch.  Before they depart, one says to the other “I love you!” and follows it up with a hug. How is that perceived? If your answer is anything but well, then I’d say you’re in the majority.  Depending on your culture, the hug and even a kiss on the cheek may be the norm…but, "I love you"!?

I’ll admit that sharing the words “I love you” can seem intimidating when said to the opposite gender.  But when our hearts and intentions are set aright, then there should be no hesitation.  There are numerous hadith that speak to the honor placed on sharing our love with one another.  In Bukhari 8:73:67 it is stated that the Prophet (PBUH) said: "None will have the sweetness (delight) of Faith (a) till he loves a person and loves him only for Allah's sake….” 

Very recently (and uncharacteristically) I have found myself questioning a love I’ve developed for someone whom I’ve never personally met. While it’s not necessarily romantic, it is very strong. I have found myself pondering why I would feel like I love this person? I’ve even asked Allah (SWT) for his clarity on this.  What I've walked away with is this: It is a blessing that we both need.

Allah (SWT) has put a light inside each and every one of us.  He created us to be emotional and loving beings.  We are not asked to choose who we love, but to love one another for the sake of our Creator.  The level to which we love someone is not always in our control (i.e. romantic, platonic, familial, etc.).  What is in our control is how we share it.  So consider this: Maybe the strength of the love we feel for someone is Allah’s way of telling us how much that person needs his light shone on them. 

I challenge you (and myself): If you love someone, tell them. Do it for the sake of Allah.  And if you feel you have to question the meaning or the reason or the how, then keep a blind faith that this tremendous gift Allah placed in your heart has a purpose.  Love is a seed, and until you sow it, you will never know what blessing is waiting to be reaped. 

Share your light, and remember: I love you for the sake of Allah!

Also see: http://bit.ly/lm8OV1 for a beautiful speech delivered by Altaf Husain on this same topic!

Submission - It's not a dirty word! (for the ladies)

I was speaking with a dear friend and sister who will soon deliver a halaqa on the topic of submission in marriage.  Mashallah we had a beautiful conversation and she inspired my thoughts.  So, instead of keeping them in my head where they inevitably get lost, jumbled and forgotten, I decided to share some of them here.  This may get lengthy, but I’ll try to be succinct!

There is a beautiful ayah (verse) in the Koran that describes the husband-wife relationship.  One English translation of this is: …they are your garments and you are their garments…. (2:187).  This is an oft cited ayah, and with good reason.  If husband and wife are like garments for each other, then each one is meant as a form of protection, comfort, expression and adornment for the other.  Subhanallah, how beautiful is this!?

As Muslims, our lives are based on this concept of submission.  We are all called to be subservient to Allah (SWT), our religion as it is laid out in the Koran, and the example of the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) and his wives (may Allah be pleased with them).  If we take our duties seriously, then we enter into marriage with piety.  When our spouses are in this state of piety, we’ve no fear (either husband or wife) of being submissive to them.

Now, most people read or hear the word submission and immediately jump to negative conclusions.  Even Webster’s has a number of definitions on “submit” that teeter on negative connotations.  The one I like, though, and will utilize here, is: to defer to another's judgment, opinion, decision, etc.

So many women hate to hear this, but there are certain things that one cannot argue against.  Simply put, one ship cannot sail properly and arrive safely at its destination with two captains.  There may be a captain and co-captain.  However, when there’s danger on the seas, only one makes all final determinations: the captain.  In the home, the husband is this captain.  And if he’s not, then you are surely in for a bumpy ride!

Think of it this way, if your husband is a pious man then he is in submission to the greatest elements and guidance available to us as humans.  If he maintains his role as a spouse according to Islam, and provides for and protects his family, then what concern should a wife have in handing him the final word?  There is great freedom in allowing a man to serve his family as he is intended. 

Take it back to the Koranic verse mentioned above.  Consider the way you treat your nicest garments. You take the best care of the most expensive and beautiful clothing you have.  You probably take it to the dry cleaner instead of washing it at home for fear that you may ruin it on your own.  If it tears, you have it repaired.  You preserve it by the best means possible because you have invested in it.

Now, you treat your clothing in this manner, but how do you treat your spouse? Do you build him or up or do you speak only about his faults and short comings?  Are you quick to praise or quick to condemn?  When there is confusion or disagreement, do you stand your ground in ego, or do you seek to create peace and compromise?  Spouses are the greatest gift and are a mercy from Allah (SWT).  How are you treating this gift?

Women and men are made differently.  We have different abilities mentally, physically and emotionally.  This is all a wonder and gift from Allah (SWT).  We are made to complete each other.  Men innately have a need to be respected, just as we (as women) have a need for affection.  Our needs are different, yet essential for each of us.  Marriage is no place for the ego.  There are many blessings in building up, affirming, and respecting your husband.  Whether he tells you or not, his greatest desire is to earn your respect.  If you are not confirming for your husband that you respect him enough to fulfill his role as provider and protector (and yes, this means decision maker) of your family, then you are contributing to the demise of your relationship.  

Women have been granted great privileges in Islam.  This is because we hold so much power in the homes that create and influence the progression of this faith.  Harness your power, ladies, and love your man.  He is your mercy from Allah (SWT).  Build him up, trust in him, and watch your marriage grow beyond your imagination. Because a man who feels he's earned the respect of his wife will run backwards and forwards to ensure her happiness!

(As an aside, if you are in a situation where your spouse is abusive, this content is still valid, however, Allah did not create us to be enslaved to other than he.  Therefore, fulfill your role as a wife to the best of your ability, and protect your family if and when it is necessary.  But never allow an opportunity to arise where you may find that you did not put forth all of your best to establish a halal marriage.)

To love or hate the life of a man: The death of Osama bin Laden

The world is inundated with the news of the loss of one man’s life these days.  Osama bin Laden is top of the headlines and on the mouths and minds of people from sea to shining sea.  Heck, I don’t even have a television and I never watch or read the news, and even I know all about it!

From conversations to Facebook posts I feel like I have a play by play.  I even read a blog by one of my favorite Imam’s (Khalid Latif) explaining why a burial at sea is not against sharia (Islamic law).  It may be the first time that I do not totally agree with the man…but that’s off topic.

So really, what can I add and why am I writing about it? I am no scholar of Islam.   In fact, I am like a newborn in this faith, having only reverted 4 years ago.  And what drew me so swiftly to this beautiful religion was the totality of the Koran.  The justice and peace I was preached in every Surah moves me even still today.  And, in every comment, in every rendition of what’s happened to Osama bin Laden, I’ve rarely heard reference to these fundaments of our faith. 

As Muslims, it is not our right or place to judge another.  Our greatest example was in Rasulallah, the Prophet Mohammad (PBUH).  This beautiful man endured profane acts of terrorism from every which direction, including from within his own family.  He was beaten, his life was threatened countless numbers of times, for heaven’s sake, he and his family were almost starved to death.  Yet, time after time after time after time, our beloved Prophet (PBUH) prayed over his enemies, sought every opportunity to offer peace where war was waged, and (most importantly) forgave.  He forgave his trespassers.  He forgave his enemies.  He forgave and sought to forgive.

Rasulallah (PBUH) experienced the divine mercy of Allah (SWT) and with every ounce of his being he sought to bring that mercy to each and every one of us.  This is our faith.  This is our Islam!

We may rejoice at a hindrance to the operations of a terrorist network.  I am ecstatic to see Muslims and non-Muslims unite over the demise of a false representation of Islam.  But we should never excite ourselves over the death of another human being.  Like it or not, every human on this earth has the same opportunity to seek Allah (SWT) until his last breath.  And it is not ours to judge or decide his soul's journey.  Our FAITH is that we come from our Creator and to our Creator we return (inna illahi wa inna lillahi rajioun).  How we live in this world (dunya) is our choice, but how we live in our hearts, in our minds and in our prayer is known and judged only by Allah (SWT). 

Let us not get caught up in the hatred.  If we accept our faith and live it with true Iman, we will seek to protect ourselves from the darkness of worldly judgment. 

For Osama bin Laden, I say: inna illahi wa inna lillahi rajioun.