Trials and Triumphs: Refining faith

Many of you may know, but some may not: On November 11, 2011 my ex-husband kidnapped my two small children as he exited his life in the United States. He returned to Tunisia broken from failed attempts to make a life in the U.S., and in a last effort to stick it to me, took my babies with him.  Due to laws and protocols I dislike to understand, the journey to bring them home is longer than any mother would like.  But this isn’t a blog about international relations. For more information, see www.facebook.com/returnushome. 

This is a blog about faith.

Webster’s defines faith as: belief that is not based on proof. 

I heard once that there is a refining purpose of trials.  That refining purpose is to test one’s ability to overcome; to stretch oneself to increase reliance on what is unseen.  Faith.  This is not to say that there are not times where we weep in sorrow for what is, or question our sanity for believing in what has yet to occur.  It is to say, though, that in the end, faith is believing God has determined our victories at the start of every adversity and choosing to believe that, no matter what happens from day to day.  It is up to us to believe in the outcome, and proceed toward that end.

God places trials on our path for various reasons.  Sometimes it’s to test us, and sometimes it’s to challenge those around us.  One must be certain that no thing that exists is by coincidence.  What God sets forth for man, he sets forth in full.  There is no accident in his plan.  But there are absolutely mistakes in our meandering through the journey.  But how can we change, grow, or affect the lives of others if we do not walk the trail, stumble, and then get back up?

Sometimes it may seem unfair the number of adversities we must go through, or the kind may seem too harsh.  But if one firmly believes that God does not burden a person with that which he is unable to handle, then one has the assurance that whatever comes to him, God has made the way.  The challenge of faith, of course, is not simply in having it, but in exercising it.  And one thing that must also be present is patience.  An insightful man explained to me that we can be assured of a victory in faith, but we must also respect that victories come in God’s time. …God’s time…phew…that’s a hard one…

While I wish beyond belief that I was not being tried in this way, I have to pause and thank God in so many ways.  Sounds weird? Bear with me through a quick story, and maybe it’ll make more sense:

Last month I had to run from court to court to get certain things in place.  While at the restroom sink one afternoon, I heard a woman screaming in the corridor.  Clearly the woman was mad – possibly in all senses of the word.  I was happy to continue applying lipstick until I was sure she was gone. 

Moments later a young lady entered the rest room.  She stood at the sink quietly for a few seconds, caught my eye in the mirror, and then started yelling.  Oh yeah, it was her!  What to do? Do I excuse myself kindly and quickly? I didn’t know.  So, I froze…and I stared back at her in the mirror as she yelled. 

Suddenly I stopped tuning in to my own thoughts and started tuning in to her words.  She was hurting.  She was angry…at a man.  From what I could gather; she had offered a service for money, and then was put in jail, and her money was taken away.  That’s all I cared to get. 

I could not judge her, could not blame her…I could only hear the words of a woman who was hurting.  So I turned to her, looked her in her eyes, and whispered, “it’ll be okay”.  And I meant it. Why? I don’t know. Why a whisper? I don’t know.  I know it calmed her down.  I half suspect she assumed my hijab indicated I was a nun instead of a Muslim, but she clearly identified me as a woman who could pray for her.  So she asked me to pray for her.  

She gave me her name and then asked me what to do. I told her to leave.  Whatever it was, leave.  She thought about it, asked me to pray again, and then asked for a hug.  I gave her one.  A big one.  And I reassured her that she had the power to control her life.  Then I left. 

In the midst of what I was going through - anxiety, missing my babies, wondering if the courts would help - I was thankful for nothing else than that I was NOT in that woman’s shoes.  And so it hit me.  Like a bolt of lightning I got it:  God prepares for us the trials that he prepares us to overcome. 

If I were to wish for someone else’s adversity, I’d have one far worse than I can imagine undertaking.  The same would be true for anyone looking at what I’m going through.  Who could possibly want to experience this!?

And so, I thank God, for the trials he gives me, and pray for the overcoming of all of those who carry a burden I’d never wish to have. 

I thank God that my children are physically safe.  I thank God that they are not ill.  I thank God for the deep faith he allows me to have for their return.  I thank God for the lessons I’m learning.  I thank God for the example he has allowed us to be.  I thank God that in a time of need my circle of friends has not diminished, but increased in an amazing way.  I thank God that every day he blesses me in so many ways, that I can’t look at what I am going through and say, why me?  And mostly, I thank God for the faith that tells me that though I don’t know the reason, I know the answer:  It was meant to be.

In life and adversity our emotions change from day to day.  Our mental and physical health fall prey to stress and anxiety.  Our humility gets tested, and our egos suffer.  The trick, I believe, is to place our trials back in God’s hands, and lead from where he guides us.  And if we follow his direction right, we may even have the chance to positively impact the lives of those who follow.  And what greater victory can there be than that? 

At least that’s what I choose to believe.   

There are many facets of faith that I could still explore, but this is the direction in which I was led today.  What does faith mean to you?

If you wish to support the return of my children, please sign our petition at: http://www.thepetitionsite.com/takeaction/275/669/976/ 
 

One Girl's Take on U.S. Relations...and Islam

With the utmost respect, I am honored and proud to call Barak Obama my President. I believe he has gone a long way in attempts to rectify the beleaguered relations between the “west” and “Islam”. The President’s speech in Egypt at the onset of his term was an enormous step forward; a breath of fresh air – if I may. Unfortunately, these efforts have slipped, and today barely hold weight. Recent events concerning Osama bin Laden sadly seem to have brought all progress to a halt.

With the fate of so much at a crux (Obama’s Presidency, the reputation of Islam, and U.S. relations with critical states around the globe), there are a few things I wish the Administration would consider. These are my humble thoughts:

1.     What makes a terrorist is not his religion, but his socio-economic position. People join extremist groups because they’re looking for a better way of living, and zealots of any sort are always willing to provide one. Take a look at inner-city gangs. The difference between a violent street gang and a violent terrorist group is the collateral damage they’re able to inflict.

2.    There are loose cannons in every faith who manage to gain a large following. The largest in the U.S. that I am aware of went by the name of the Ku Klux Klan and claimed to represent Christianity. Every society, every religion, and every race has its extremists. The question no one has managed to answer (hmmm…did they ever ask it!?) is: how do we effectively appeal to the followers? I haven’t seen anyone offer the disenfranchised youth who get wrapped up in carrying out the bad deeds of bad people a better alternative. (Did we learn anything from the Cold War?)

3.    I’d venture to say that most Muslims wouldn’t be offended if President Obama stated: I’m not a Muslim, but I don’t know why it matters. Walking on eggshells afraid to offend one group or another only breeds distrust among us all. A good strategic effort to clarify misinterpretations between what is Islam and what is terrorism would go a long way in soothing the open wounds on both sides of the table. Feed people the truth! Eventually they’ll have to sit down and take a bite ;)

4.    Osama bin Laden was not loved by most Muslims, but he was a man, created by God, and inasmuch, we respect his right to decency in death. This is a doozy! How do you explain this to a world of people who can’t see past their hatred? I have no good answer. But I say, President Obama should. His advisors and field  specialists should. At this point, the only explanation it seems that he can provide is an apology that tinges on sincere understanding of the Islamic perspective, and a sincere stance that he acted in the best interest of his country. (I may or may not agree with that decision, but I’m not the leader of the free world!)

5.    If we are to get anywhere in rectifying relations with America and Islam, it will only be done with soft power, sincere and consistent efforts, and the advisement of those who actually practice the faith. Really, it’s quite necessary to receive intelligence on Islam from qualified (and I mean professionally qualified, i.e. religiously, politically and academically – we do exist) Muslims. If America can learn to speak to Arabs as Arabs, Muslims as Muslims, and nations as nations, we would find ourselves in a much different place.

These are just the musings of one American muslimah! Feel free to share your own (kindly).

What will you defend today?

I was listening to this song this evening on the way home: God Bless the USA. I know most of it by heart. I also have an immediate emotion when I hear this song because of how much I identify with it. The refrain is: I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free. And I can't forget the men who died, who gave that right to me. And I'll gladly stand up next to you and defend her still today. There ain't no doubt I love this land. God Bless the USA!

Who doesn't get moved when they hear those lyrics?

We are not all in the position of defending our nation through service agencies, but don't we all have a duty to uphold and defend all that the USA stands for? All that our beautiful Constitution and Bill of Rights and the ideals and fundamentals that our nation was founded on are the very things that our service men and women spend their lives protecting. If I'm so moved to sing about my love of the USA, where is my "movement" to act on it? There's not a line in these lyrics I disagree with. Nothing I waver on...but in the day to day life, it's the idealism of "all men are created equal" and the dignity of the human race that we, as proud Americans, have failed to defend.

Just minutes prior to hearing this song I was sitting on the metro. My son and I had walked onto a car where a homeless man, with his neatly stacked cart (and very charming orange and white striped skateboard keeping it on rollers) stood against the opposite door. When I'd gotten on, all I could think was, what is this awful smell!? It was like someone had doused the train with cheap floral air freshener. I realized after we'd sat down, it was a mask for the naturally unpleasant smell of old urine and B.O.

As I sat next to my son and tried to smell the creme brulee off of my scented hand lotion (thank goodness it really smells like creme brulee!) so many things crystalized for me: 1. However I react will impact my son's future reaction to a homeless man with a stench in the future. 2. No one had bothered to look at this man, speak to him, or otherwise engage him as a living, breathing, human being. 3. This man could be the sweetest or the angriest person in the universe, but he deserves nothing of the indignity of being looked over and treated as a simple obstacle in the way.

Unfortunately, I cannot help my sensitive nose. Even my daughter's diapers send me reeling at times. But everyone else on the train seemed to treat this man like an offense to their existence. I tried to make eye contact at some point, to smile. I even asked my son to be sure to say hi to his friend if he caught his eye. Unfortunately, the opportunity passed. I did make duah for him, and others. The simple fact is, this man has the same beautiful seeds of greatness that Allah planted in each of us. For whatever the reason, he's just not in the same place as I and many others are. But what right have we to overlook another creation of Allah?

And I'll gladly stand up, next to you, and defend her still today! There ain't no doubt I love this land!

So back to my car where I've just finished hearing these awesome lyrics...and all I can think is, what does that mean, "I'll gladly stand up....and defend her still today"? Did I gladly stand up on that metro and engage this brother in conversation? Did I make an actual effort to squarely place him as a human on that train? I did ensure that my son and I talked about the greatness in each of us, but was it enough? And when I see an injustice in the street, do I just walk on by? What exactly will I gladly stand up next to you and defend?

God Bless the USA!

The beauty of this land, is that we are free to create, establish, innovate and renew ourselves, just as Allah (SWT) created us to. For almost two months now I have been thinking about ways to engage with an organization for the homeless in my community to coordinate volunteer "pantry" days at my masjid. Two weeks ago, I encountered two young sisters who had started a non-profit that serves both international and local communities of homeless women and orphans. Where else in the world could I expect that my idea will come into fruition and these two women establish and operate their organization? God Bless the USA!

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. For me, it's not a single day celebration...I give thanks at least 5 times a day in prayer, and as often as I can to those around me who make a difference (personally or otherwise). No matter what I do, however, it will never feel like enough...but at least it's something.

What will you gladly stand up to defend today?

(Originally written November 24, 2010)