No bump, no bruise, no abuse! What does Islam have to say?

In recent months the number of women I’ve encountered who are engaged in abusive relationships astounds me. More astounding is the level of abuse the women in these relationships were willing to take.  Not one of them was/is in a physically abusive situation, which is scarier indeed. 

Society in general fosters the belief that if there are no bumps or bruises, there is no abuse.  And this is a tremendous danger.  When we teach that abuse is a physical action, we also teach the abused to define their experience through this lens.  The result is that thousands of individuals who are emotionally, mentally, financially and spiritually exploited never learn to define their experience. I personally experienced a mentally and emotionally abusive marriage. And it was not until I left it that I was able to recognize it as abusive at all. 

Once victimization occurs, a cycle of violence inevitably ensues.  Sadly, the abused will typically become his/her own worst enemy by blaming him/herself, seeking means to avoid angering the abuser, and then feeling guilty when the abuse occurs again.

Islamically speaking, it is my understanding that domestic abuse is prohibited.  Unfortunately, a cursory search of Google will only land a handful of scholarly articles with paid access and links to pages with no verifiable credibility.  There was one link to an undeveloped site by ISNA (Islamic Society of North America), but nothing speaking directly to the Islamic stance on domestic violence.  Given the rates of abuse amongst the Muslim community in the U.S., I think it’s evidentiary that a need that has been overlooked. 

I did discover two videos of Imam’s discussing the topic - one by Imam Khalid Latif (Real Men Don’t Hit Women), and the other by Imam Hamza Yusuf (Removing the Silence on Domestic Violence) - on Halaltube.com.  These, however, are not enough. They do not cover the breadth of domestic violence and what it entails, and they do not convey enough of what Islam teaches us about relationships with Allah, ourselves, and those around us.  Our ummah is only as strong as we make it. And when we overlook and diminish topics as broad and important as domestic violence, we weaken ourselves and generations to come.

I challenge the Muslim scholars, Imams and Shaikah to become more expansive on this topic.  1 in 3 women in the United States is or has been in an abusive relationship.  This statistic holds no racial, ethnic or religious boundary.  That is your sister, my friend, and someone’s mom.  If we do not become bold about defining domestic violence in all of its manifestations, we empower the abusers amongst us to continue.

I will continue to write about this topic throughout the month in various forms. I request you spread the message widely and particularly amongst the Muslim community.  We need conversation and real leadership and guidance on this topic.